A Man Not Her Own Page 11
Yeah, she was definitely walking a thin line. Kind of like a tight rope. And Lindsey knew she didn’t have a safety net if she screwed up. She had never had a safety net. Early in life, she’d learned that she couldn’t depend on anyone but herself. Couldn’t trust anyone either. But boy, was she tempted. She wanted to trust Mitch, but she was afraid. Very afraid.
Chapter Eight
Two days passed before Sarah gathered enough courage to approach Mitch about Lindsey’s birthday. The longer she put it off, the harder it would be to throw a respectable birthday party for a sixteen-year-old girl. Already, they were cutting it close.
On Sunday evening, while Josh and Lindsey played basketball on the driveway, Sarah walked across the lawn and knocked on Mitch’s back door. She tried not to fidget while she stood there waiting. Be brave, Sarah. You can do this.
She knocked on the door again for good measure.
“I’m coming!” Mitch appeared at the door, surprise and something else etched on his face. Awkwardness? Discomfort? Sarah could certainly relate to that. “Uh... Hello,” he said, opening the screen door to let her through.
Wiping her suddenly damp palms on her skirt, she entered the kitchen. “I wouldn’t have come over, only this is important.”
A neat stack of dirty dishes stood in the sink. A dishtowel lay sprawled on the floor. Mitch stooped to pick it up and tossed it over his shoulder.
His bare shoulder. He wasn’t wearing a shirt. Again.
The last time Sarah had been in his house was the night Lindsey had been sick. A lot had happened since then. Namely, Sarah had told him her deep dark secret—and he’d refused to help her.
“What’s going on?” He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his massive chest. Muscle rippled down his hard midriff. At least his jeans were buttoned this time.
Sarah cleared her throat. “I need to talk to you about Lindsey.”
He took a deep breath, his chest expanding with the motion. He looked spent, frustrated, tired. Sarah had the insane desire to walk over and give him a hug.
“What about her?” he asked. “Has she done something I should know about? We’re still not getting along too well.”
Sarah nodded. “What if I told you I think I know of a way to help? That there’s something you could do that could break the ice and set you on the right course?”
He grinned that lethal grin of his. “I’d say I’d be in your debt forever.”
Ah, paybacks. She’d have to remind him of that if and when this birthday project proved successful.
Mitch folded the towel and set it on the counter. “So tell me this miraculous something that will help me reach Lindsey.”
Sarah stuffed her hands in the pockets of her skirt. “Did you know Sunday after next is her birthday?”
His dark bearded jaw dropped. “Oh God. No, I had no idea. How the hell did you find out?”
“She told Josh.”
Mitch heaved another sigh. “How could I not know that? What kind of father doesn’t know his own kid’s birthday?”
Sarah had to smile. “Josh said something similar, except it was about Lindsey’s mother. She never celebrated or acknowledged Lindsey’s birthday. She’s never had a party, Mitch.”
He ran his fingers through his hair, stirring it up, leaving it spiky. Sarah tamped down another insane desire to smooth it back. That thought lead to the urge to walk over and rub her fingers over Mitch’s bearded cheek, down his neck and torso, kissing him, inhaling his unique scent. Inside her skirt pockets, her hands tingled and curled—
Good lord! She had never fantasized about touching a man like that. Not even with her husband. Unknowingly, Mitch had breached the wall and broken through her fears. Whether he wanted to help her or not, he already had, just by being the man he was.
He walked over to the refrigerator and opened the door. “Do you want something to drink? A soda, juice, milk?”
“Juice would be nice.”
He poured two glasses of orange juice and handed one to Sarah, then leaned against the counter again.
“The kid never had a party?”
“That’s what Lindsey told Josh. Mind if I sit down? I’ve been on my feet all day cleaning the house.”
“Sure, let me move those papers.” He pulled out a chair and gathered a stack of newspapers from the seat, setting them on the floor near the door.
Sarah almost collapsed as she sat down. Coming over here and facing Mitch after baring her soul the other night was draining her emotional reserves and zapping the last of her energy.
However, with her new plan of action, she’d decided to bury any awkwardness in order to help Mitch help his daughter. Lindsey was a good girl, who’d been through hell. She deserved to have a birthday party and much, much more.
Mitch sank into the seat across the table from Sarah. He sipped his juice, his forehead wrinkled in thought. “You think, if I give her a party, she’ll love me forever?”
Sarah smiled. “No, Mitch. I can’t promise anything, but it’s an excellent opportunity to show her that you’re willing to play your part, that you care for her. You have to earn her trust, before she’ll let down her defenses. From what you’ve told me and what Josh has said, Lindsey has led a pretty bleak existence.”
Another big deep breath. “I want to make it up to the kid, except I don’t know how.”
“This birthday party would be a good starting point. Josh and I want to help plan it.”
Mitch nodded. “I’ll get my mother and brothers to help, too. Judith will want in on it, I’m sure. We could have it at the restaurant.”
“There you go,” Sarah said. “Now you’re thinking along the right track. I’ll try to get names of some of her new friends at school from Thomas.”
“Should we make it a surprise party?”
“That’s a great idea. Josh will love that, too. Talk to your family, then let me know what I can do to help.”
He studied her face, sipping his juice, then set his glass down with a thunk. “I want to apologize for the other night.”
Sarah bit her bottom lip. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to. I know it must have taken a lot of courage to tell me about what happened to you.”
“You mean the rape?”
“Yeah, what else do you think I mean? See? I can’t even say it. Doesn’t that tell you I’m not the right guy to help you get over it? Whenever I think about it, all I want to do is find the bastard who hurt you and pound him into the dirt.”
A warm fuzzy feeling enveloped Sarah. “That’s very sweet of you.”
Mitch shook his head. “I’m not sweet, Sarah. I’m bad to the bone. Always have been, always will be.”
“How can you say that? Look how you’re trying to learn to be a father to a daughter you didn’t know you had. That’s one of the reasons I asked you to help me. Plus the fact that when you kissed me, I actually felt a healthy dose of sexual attraction. That hasn’t happened for a long time. Why I’m telling you this, I don’t have a clue. Forget I said it?”
“How can I forget it?” Mitch said, keeping his eyes and hands on his glass of juice. “I feel like a scumbag for turning you down.”
Sarah reached across the table and put her hand on his arm. “Don’t worry about it. I had no right to ask you to help me like that. It’s a heavy burden to place on you and you have enough on your plate right now.”
Mitch looked at her. “And you don’t?”
“Not really. I’m getting back on track. And you are helping me, though not in the way I originally intended.”
“What did you intend?” he asked, another frown marring his brow.
She took a sip of her juice and shrugged. “Oh, I don’t know. I thought we’d go out a couple of times. We could kiss. See if I could become comfortable with you. Not freeze up when we took it a little deeper. Don’t worry about it. I’m already comfortable with you. Well, not exactly comfortable. I’ve never been comfortable around yo
u. I guess I’ve always been attracted to you somewhat.”
His eyes darkened, his gaze intense on hers. “I’m attracted to you, too, Sarah Smiles.”
The warm fuzzy suddenly turned into something hot and potent. Exciting. Scary. Play it cool, Sarah. “I kind of figured that out. You’re off the hook, Mitch. You don’t have to worry about it anymore. I’ll find someone else to help me with my problem.”
Mitch shot up out of his chair and stood staring down at her. “Like hell you will!”
“What can you possibly mean by that?” she asked.
Mitch’s skin crawled when he visualized the dangers Sarah could face exposing her secret and herself to another man. “I mean I’ve changed my mind.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “What?”
“If you’re going to go through with this crazy plan of yours, then I’m going to be the one helping you.”
“But you said—”
“Forget what I said. I won’t stand by and let some clumsy idiot scare you or hurt you, or worse.”
“You don’t have to do this, Mitch.”
“Yes, Sarah. I do.” He sat back down, picked up his glass of juice and took a long, cooling drink. “Besides, I won’t lie to you. I want to kiss you again. Hell, I want to do a lot more than kiss, but we won’t do anything more, not until you’re ready.”
She didn’t say anything, just sat there staring at him, her eyes big and round.
Mitch finished his juice, but kept hold of the glass, turning it round and round in his hands. “You’ll be in charge about how fast or slow you want to take this. I don’t want you to get hurt. And I can’t promise you forever, either. Right now, I have Lindsey to think about. So, make sure you know what you’re asking me to do when you say you want my help.”
She tugged at that luscious bottom lip as she mulled over his proposal. A quick swipe of pink tongue and Mitch was one minute away from scooping her up and kissing her. Hard. Oh yeah. It was going to be hard to take it slowly with Sarah, but he’d do what he could to help and protect her.
“Thanks, Mitch. I appreciate this.”
“Don’t thank me yet. This has the potential to blow up in our faces. You’re taking a real risk here.”
“Maybe so, but I’m tired of letting my past rule my life. I want to experience passion. With you.”
Man, she was killing him here. “I can give you passion, but nothing else. So, I’m warning you right now. Don’t expect this to go anywhere beyond the bedroom. Think you can handle that?”
Sarah nodded. “I can handle it. So... When should we start?”
The throbbing in his groin decided it for him. “Right now’s good for me.”
“Now? Here?” Her voice squeaked and Mitch wanted to laugh, but didn’t. This was serious business. Sarah trusted him, and he had every intention of living up to that trust.
He scooted back his chair and patted his lap.
“You’ve got to be kidding,” she said, her eyes wider than ever.
“I’ve held you in my lap two times. Once when we kissed on the porch swing, then in the car when you were crying. You’ve done this before. It shouldn’t be that difficult.”
Again, she worried that bottom lip, eyeing his lap—the lap that was growing harder by the minute.
“It shouldn’t be difficult, but it is,” she said softly.
Mitch held up his hands in a backing-off gesture. “I promise I won’t do anything until you give me the go ahead. You’re going to be in charge of this. You have the power, Sarah.”
She stared at him for a moment longer, then rose from her chair, rounded the table and stopped directly in front of him.
Mitch reached for her hand. “I won’t hurt you.”
“I know you won’t.” She took a deep breath, then one more. “I can do this,” she whispered and slid onto his lap, holding on to his shoulders, not too tightly, her touch damn near electrocuting him. His body flexed in response and Sarah jerked her head up when she realized he was aroused. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close, not allowing her to bolt, like she probably wanted to.
Mitch rubbed his hands on her back, trying to soothe her, acutely aware that only her blouse and bra separated him from her breasts. “It’s okay, Sarah Smiles. You have the power. We’re going to take this slowly, but I can’t control my body’s reaction. I’m extremely attracted to you.”
She swallowed. “That’s good. Right?”
“Oh, yeah. Very good. Why don’t you kiss me?”
Her pink tongue whipped out to moisten her lips. Her eyes dropped to his mouth. The two actions combined were erotic as hell.
Sarah bobbed her head. “I can do this,” she whispered again.
“You’ve kissed me before. You said you liked it. Kiss me, Sarah.”
She leaned forward and touched her lips to his. Hesitant. Tentative. Teasing.
Mitch’s will power stretched to the max. He forced himself not to pull her closer, wrap his arms tighter or ravage her sweet mouth. His body grew rock hard and he tried to keep still and not move suggestively against her lush bottom nestled against his crotch.
Sarah pulled back and frowned. “You’re not kissing back.”
“You’re leading, sweetheart. Kiss me like you want me to kiss you, and I’ll follow.”
She looked straight into his eyes and he thought he would lose himself in their luminescent depths. Sliding her arms from his shoulders to the back of his neck, she bent close and kissed one corner of his mouth, then the other. She stayed close, still gazing into his eyes. “Your turn.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Mitch kissed her, first one corner of her beautiful lips, and putting his own spin on things, rubbed his tongue across the seam of her mouth, making his way to the other corner, where he placed another kiss. He smiled in satisfaction at her quick intake of breath. Sarah had closed her eyes and when he was through, she opened them and smiled.
“Wow,” she said softly. She played with the short hairs at the nape of his neck, then touched his temples, smoothing them. She licked her lips, as if trying to catch his taste. “More, please.”
Mitch couldn’t have spoken if his life had depended on it. Sarah Smiles was one sexy lady and she wasn’t even trying. Damn. He was the one who needed to be careful here. He cleared his suddenly dry throat.
She bent forward with another one of her slow-burn smiles and pressed her lips to his, this time opening and applying more pressure. She was coming along nicely. Now if he could rein in his over-excited libido, they’d be somewhat safe.
Mitch opened to her and she quickly darted that little tongue of hers into his mouth. He couldn’t help himself. He caught it gently with his teeth and sucked. Not too hard, just enough to sip Sarah’s sweetness.
When she made a little moan in the back of her throat and leaned into him, wiggling her bottom and cupping his head, Mitch almost lost it. Just a few minutes more, then he would have to call a halt. As much as he was enjoying himself, a man could only take so much.
He withdrew his tongue, thinking to stop the love play, but Sarah followed his lead and thrust hers into his mouth and made several exploratory thrusts.
Mitch groaned, he couldn’t help himself.
Sarah quickly pulled back. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, you’re doing everything right, except we need to stop. This first lesson is over. I don’t want to say I can’t control myself, but you’re driving me crazy here. I don’t want to scare you, Sarah.”
She nodded and eased off his lap. Then she bestowed one of her special smiles on him. Bending forward, she draped her arms on his shoulders, kissed him quickly on the mouth, then straightened. “Thank you.”
“My pleasure.”
Sarah shook her head and threw him a naughty little look. “Oh no, it was definitely my pleasure. And for that I truly thank you.”
****
That night, Sarah lay in bed staring at the ceiling, thinking of Mitch and their kisses.
But not earlier this evening in his kitchen. He’d been bare-chested and mouth-wateringly sexy. She could still feel his warm skin under her fingers and palms, his muscles rippling beneath her touch. Big strong shoulders where she’d been holding on for dear life.
Sarah sought a more comfortable position on the bed. Suddenly, she was a little warm from thinking about Mitch, without a shirt on. Half-dressed. Smelling delicious. Making her feel naughty and bold.
Look at the progress she’d made. A month ago, she couldn’t have imagined sitting on a man’s lap. A half naked man, barely holding himself in control. Isn’t that what Mitch had confessed? That he’d wanted her very much?
Sarah adjusted the sheet over her shoulder. Sitting on Mitch’s lap hadn’t been very scary at all. For the first time in ages, she’d felt a healthy yearning and hunger. She’d wanted him to take it to the next level. Her breasts had ached for his touch. They still ached.
She didn’t think she would have freaked out like she had that night on the porch. She’d come a long way in a short amount of time. And she had Mitch to thank for that.
“Mo-om.”
Sarah sat straight up in bed. Josh stood in the doorway holding his old ragged bear. She’d tucked him in almost an hour ago. “What is it, honey?”
Josh didn’t need an invitation. He ran to the bed and hurled himself onto the pillow next to Sarah. “I couldn’t sleep.” He yawned hugely.
“Did you even try?”
He shrugged and pulled the covers over his short little legs. “I want to rest with you for a minute, okay?”
“Sure, baby.” She hugged him close, enjoying the smell of little boy and bath soap that didn’t quite wash all the dirt away.
“Did you talk to Mr. Mitch?” Another big yawn.
“Yes, and he’s glad to know about Lindsey’s birthday. He feels really bad about not knowing. Now he’s happy, and guess what? We’re going to help him plan a surprise party.”